Tears in the dust

~Tears in the dust~



One tear fell.

That's all I remember happening in that previous moment, before I found myself quickly latching onto his blue jeans, refusing to let go of my Father. I was trapping him in my grasp. I felt the rough material sink deeply into the palms of my tiny hands, but even with that knowledge, and despite that, I knew that I no longer cared about the discomfort of myself-- all I wanted was for him to stay. To stay with me.

I couldn't tell if he was looking down at me or not, but he had stopped moving. He knew he was trapped, between the open door and the small weeping mess below him. He could either fly out of the door into a fresh start, or stay with this small child, whom was crying for him to stay. I didn't want him to leave.

"Daddy...don't leave me..." Mumbling my words, I hope I got the right ones across to him. I felt my Father flinch, before looking up at him, my eyes only projecting a messy and blurred vision of him.

His own blue eyes, as I ushered those words, widened with shock, but then started to soften. He then knelt down, so he was face-to-face with the young child he was leaving behind. The small girl who he may never see again in his life. All the other colours started to dissapear, with only me and him in the white light surrounding us.

It was so lifeless...

...just like the atmosphere between us.

Placing a hand on my head, he smiled at me. So many times, he has flashed that smile at me. Telling me things would be alright, when I scraped my knee or lost a small bug that I had caught. Smiling widely at my achievements, congratulating me on coming first in the skipping race.

Would these memories ever come alive again? Or would they sink in the depths of everyone's minds, only to be revived in photographs and video tapes? I had so many questions for everyone, it wasn't fair. Nothing was fair for a child, for they are the ones suffering the most.

"Everything will be alright, Bebe. I promise you." They began to flow again, the stream of tears flowing out of my eyes. I was Daddy's little girl! I didn't want him to leave me yet! I wanted so many more memories to make, with him and Mummy, and everyone else!

My important family...

"So, you have to be a big girl and take care of everything for me here, okay? I'm not allowed to live here, in this house anymore. You see, Mummy doesn't like me anymore." I heard Mummy scoff at his remark, I wasn't sure why. I was sure they loved each other! After all, my teacher at school had once said to the class that babies (including me, of course) were made when 'a mummy and daddy love each other very much.'

I shook my head to that promise, too many of my tears flying out of my eyes and onto the floor and my arms. How could I keep a promise like that? How? I...I wasn't...I'm not...

"No! I can't keep that promise! I'm not a big girl!" Daddy smiled, and tried to reassure me again. Why won't anybody listen to me? Why won't anyone let me talk!?

"Bebe, yes you are-"

"I'M DADDY'S LITTLE GIRL!"

The room went cold when I just said that. Mummy started to cry again, but not as much as me. Did she miss Daddy so much that she loved him again? Did I do the right thing? Did I? Can we be a family again? Can-

"Not anymore." Daddy took his hand off of my head roughly. He stood up again, so that I was below him and he was above me. His eyes were downcast, and refused to look at me. I was about to run after him, but Mummy held me back from going to my Daddy. Why was she doing that? Why?

Outstretching a hand, I watched his retreating figure go into the dark of night. The moon didn't shine when he left, only the streetlamps to guide him on his new journey. His journey away from me and Mummy-- away from his family. Why was life so cruel to me, why, why, WHY?

"Daddy...don't leave me!"

Too late.

My tears were now resting in the dust, as were the days of my Daddy in my family.